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The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
A "long story" is just a short story that no one wants to tell.
If you think your having a bad day ... You could be digging your own grave at gun point and find buried treasure.
Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday.. Satan slips that one in. He’s a sneaky bastard.
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
the only correct answer to are u ticklish? is i have explosive diareha right now
If you get angry, just take deep breaths and count to ten. Unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
I want to tell my coworker I have strong feelings for her, but I`m afraid things might get weird if she knows I hate her.
Just when I think I`m over my insomnia the car behind me honks.
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!