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Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
Let`s run away together.. Lol jk, I don`t run anywhere.
only 9530 days until retirement.
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
If I weren´t such an alcoholic I would throw my drink in your face
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
I know the voices aren`t real, but man do they come up with some great ideas.
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Walmart
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”
I made the mistake of asking Siri what women want....she has been talking non-stop for the last 3 days.