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Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
Hey Journey, I stopped believing. What now?
My wife gives me sound advice. 99% sound. 1% advice.
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
If all the worlds a stage and the men and women merely players, how come Justin Bieber gets all the airtime?
The worst thing about finding out Santa isn`t real is that you realise it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
When I go through an automated car wash I close my eyes, because it`s easier to pretend I`m in a car that way.
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.