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Why I don’t like people: 1% logical reasons. 99% just because.
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a brighter day.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
I don`t know why people freak out and run when they see a spider. They are just gonna climb in your mouth when you are sleeping anyway.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
If a zombie apocalypse were to happen in Vegas... would it stay in Vegas?
I´m really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
Not to brag, but, I`ve already consumed 174% of my daily fat requirement.
Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!
Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.