Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
I wish people would consult me before trying to insult me, because I could help them come up with a much better one.
Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn`t."
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
This beer tastes like I’m going to text you later.
No one in my family has ever actually used the Olive Garden gift card. We just keep passing it down from generation to generation.
We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
My friends always use to say, "there`s plenty of fish in the sea." But looks like I ignored their advice and ended up marrying a whale.
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination. I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination." That showed her.
Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
I`m ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.