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Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
When someone says “you’re the best,” just know that it’s not really true because I’m the best.
I wonder if people without dogs actually pick food off the floor?
Wednesday, you’d be a lot cooler if you were Friday night.
This empty wallet looks like I`ll be laughing obnoxiously at some guy`s awful jokes in a bar tonight.
That awkward moment when you finally realize what your rice krispies are saying to you.
Don`t hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.
I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
I`m opening a bar called The Office. You`re welcome guys. "Be home soon sweetie, I`m at The Office"
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
Haters can hate all they want... they don`t affect my money.
Darn right I’m good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she`s never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before.
So who the hell ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?