Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there`s a cop hiding in the bushes
I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
This empty wallet looks like I`ll be laughing obnoxiously at some guy`s awful jokes in a bar tonight.
I hope I never go to jail because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2001
You`re exceeding the limits of my medication. Please go away.
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
Beer is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.