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To understand paranoid people better, follow them around
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
They say love is in every corner... my life must be a f*cking circle!
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
I have been tagged and poked so many times today, I may not be able to walk tomorrow.
I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
If I was a Jedi there is a 100% chance that I would use the Force inappropriately.
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts.
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.