Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
I`m not a Dr. or a Nutritionist, but I`m pretty sure the worst thing you can put into any high fat/ high calorie dish is your fork.
I have an irrational fear of speedbumps… but, I’m slowly getting over it.
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I`m totally flexible.
I slept on my neck funny and today I will be turning my whole body like Batman every time I have to look at something.
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
I`m currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It`s called b*tches and hoes
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
People in Detroit call Grand Theft Auto V "Tuesday"
Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.
Guess it`s time to get to the part of the day I hate... the part which requires pants.