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Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
Whenever a little kid asks me to push him on the swing I remind him there are children his age in China making iPhones.
It makes me sad that so many women feel like they have to wear makeup and clothes.
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
"Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
I hate it when I`m trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
For the life of me, I can’t understand why small and medium pizzas exist.
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.