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Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it
I spent an hour at Walmart last night.. I can now totally disprove evolution.. O_o
I always carry a lighter in case I end up at an impromptu concert...or need to set someone`s house on fire. Either way, I`m prepared.
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
If you`re one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.
I don`t hit the "Like" button on my own statuses because I am self-centered, it`s just that I amaze myself sometimes and I want to show my appreciation!!!!!!
I can’t wait until I get that job at Starbucks because I’m going to spell everyone’s name wrong so they can’t instagram their cups.
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
Currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!
I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg and some days you`re that guy who hit the propeller on the way down.
What if Justin Bieber is also Miley Cyrus? I mean have you ever seen them in one place at the same time?
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.