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Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
Maybe my goal was to be a 35 year old loser on the Internet ... You don`t know.
Why do crutons come in resealable bags? Are we really worried about them going stale?
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it’s only Thursday.
You know you`re getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said bet you can`t hit me with a quarter!
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullshit I’ll put up with before I catch on.
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
As i get older i realize I do a LOT more YOGA...attempting to tie my shoelaces
I forgot to post this earlier
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.