Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.
I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
Gravity is a real downer.
Doing word problems as a kid has helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn`t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m an apple.
Yeah he`s still bugging me...he thinks Harass is two words.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle!
The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog`s poop.
Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you`re better off staying home with no pants on.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
To be clever can be difficult without caffiene.