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Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day ... Palm Sunday is just around the corner
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
I’m not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.
When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem solver.
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
In heaven, the Cheez-Its are salted on both sides.
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.