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I don`t know what`s more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
It`s cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can`t even dress the kids properly.
How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?
Laughter is the best medicine (that my insurance is willing to cover)
When a movie says "Based on a true story." it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people.
Seems like we would be just fine with about half as many types of pasta
I really need to clean the house, but I`m thinking it`d be a lot faster to burn it down and start from scratch...
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
I`m no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him.
Whenever I give money to the homeless, I get yelled at that "they are just gonna buy booze with it". All I can think is ... Oh like I wasn`t ..
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.