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the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
i feel naked without my mobile !
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn’t see himself in a mirror.
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
Rescue helicopters should have white lights at the end of their blade so when they spin it looks a halo.
Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a "judgment free" zone...unless we`re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
Does anyone else get scared when a text reads "Can I ask you a question?"
I spend hours on Facebook and then think, “Well, that was pointless”
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
Lord please give me the strength not to go all Dexter on this mother f%#*er ... Amen
I`m uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. - Guys.
I don`t care how loud I`m laughing, I`m having fun and you`re not.
Why is it all the good things in life are either illegal, immoral, impossible, addictive, or fattening?