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I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
The self-checkout line was a miracle for the condom industry.
I fell asleep on the couch last night & woke up thinking I was married.
I wanna be skinny but I also want to have pizza for breakfast lunch and dinner, you feel me?
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
Mom: You haven`t moved since I left 5 hours ago? Me: Excuse me, where do you think these chips came from!!???
If you have trouble getting your children`s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
Sometimes I use big words that I don’t fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.
Is it just me, or would those movies had been far scarier if they were titled "Monday the 13th"