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I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
Feeding my kid cold pizza. They will be off to college soon and preparation is the key to success.
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
I like how Sesame Street just casually has a vampire hanging around.
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
Statistically: 1 in 7 dwarfs are grumpy
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
Facebook - the place where you can whine and get likes for it...
Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.