Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
Flat screens are nice and all, but they`ll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
Im thinking about writing a book about my life, I just have to wait for the statue of limitations to expire.
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
That awkward moment when u start telling a story only to realise no one is listening so you slowly fade out and pretend to have said nothing.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
90% of the apps on my phone don’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.