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You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
Hmmm… Who should I stalk on Facebook now? :)
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
That moment when you pour yourself a bowl of cereal and discover there`s no milk. So you just sit there, wondering why bad things happen to good people?
“Should I add more liquor?” is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked.
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
How many decades of knowing someone before it`s rude to ask what their name is?
It’s only Wednesday and I’m 95% done with this week.
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
You can get away with farting at the zoo because you can always blame the animals...
Trix commercials just teach kids that sharing is bad.
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.