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I`m sure the fellow below don`t have big feet :(
I`m so hungry I could Instagram a horse.
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl`s stomach full for 9 months.
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
It’s almost 2015, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
I have to hand it to people who lead a double life ... I can barely handle the one I have.
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree ... I think I found my spirit animal.
Note to self: Asking the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your Facebook status in no way helps you get out of a DUI.
When I die, before my will is read, I want my entire Google search history revealed and whoever is left in the room gets it all.
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
Whenever I hear someone say “STOP” my brain says “Hammer Time”