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Those of you who say “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” don’t really get how the whole “dead” thing works, do you?
A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
That`s not how I met your mother.
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow
I screamed a Brazilian times during that waxing.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
Choosing A Career Is Like Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls. Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful, Intelligent, Kindest Woman, There`s Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
I like it here because not only do I get to air out my dirty laundry, I get to see yours too.
Of course the Pilgrims had a lot to be thankful for, all their in-laws were back in Europe.
United Airlines was just voted number one in Chinese takeout!
Carrots may be good for your eyes, but alcohol will double your vision.
Sometimes you just see a post and think, "Yup it`s your own fault."