Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Multi-tasking: the art of screwing up everything all at once.
I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
Laxatives............for people who don`t give a crap.
To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.
Summer is real cool until every f*ckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell.
When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone’s numbers again, I text them: “Guess who?” for 2 weeks.
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
Why are Doctors so afraid of apples?
I do not argue, I explain why I’m right.
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!
You`re right, vodka. This is the perfect time to use a hammer.
I’m dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.
Ever notice how many friends you have when you pull out a pack of gum?