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I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ”K” instead of ”OK”?
I`m selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
Just about the time I started to give a crap, my attitude became constipated......
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
Relationships always start out as "You`re smart and funny." and end up as "You think you know everything and it`s all a joke to you!"
You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.
At the urinal, please keep your eyes forward and your conversations limited to weather, sports or beer.
Apparently you can not demand to be strip searched.
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
Lawns: You cut them, then water them so they grow just so you can cut them again. This does not make sense.
Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?
"If Donald Duck doesn`t have to wear pants than neither do I!"- Me getting drunk at Disney World.
Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single”.
I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I`m basically a golden retriever.