Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
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If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
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Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
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That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..
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Is "drunk" an emotion? Because if it is, I am feeling SUPER emotional right now...
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The worst part of being naked is not having pockets.
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How many V and M can see NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
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Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
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I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
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Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
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Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
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My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
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Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
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If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
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Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face
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