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In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
Remember the good old days when making the “duck face” involved 2 Pringles?
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
You’re the shampoo in the eyes of my life.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain realizes what I`m doing.
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
I`ve got a lot to unlearn.
Cute things to put in a letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend; I adore you. You complete me. Must stay 500 yards away at all times.