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I wish more people were fluent in silence.
I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.
Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....
Haters gonna hate, your honor
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
Paused Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory to go buy a Snickers. This is why I can`t watch Breaking Bad.
The best black Friday deal ... sleep - $0.
Tony Soprano dead....Whitey Bulger on trial...coincidence??? I think not!
I`m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
Dogs are God`s way of apologizing for your relatives.
I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.
if your dirty, your dirty... you cant fix it