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I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
I am not available because I am looking at porn that takes up the whole computer screen
It`s nice to know I`m wanted....even if it`s only by the Police!
I just made you think of an elephant
Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I`m driving.
Don`t sweat the small stuff. Don`t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty a$$ elsewhere.
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
I just broke my record for most days lived.
I remember my single days like it was 11 years, 1 month, and 12 days ago.
If cleanliness is next to godliness, then my car is Satan`s chariot.
Not sure what my spirit animal is, but I am sure it has rabies
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
is procastinating now. Don´t see why I should put it off.
Drinking Tip: Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!