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Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars.
We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
Will be drunk until further notice.
The beauty of vodka is that it looks like water. The beauty of the workplace is that water bottles are allowed.
One man`s girlfriend is another man`s password.
My wife gives me sound advice. 99% sound. 1% advice.
I just don`t want to look back and think "I could`ve eaten that"
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
I still remember when everyone wanted their phone to be smaller. Now that we can watch porn on them, everyone wants them bigger.
I would not mind living next to a serial killer. They never kill the neighbor. He`s the one that`s always on the news later saying "He was a quite guy, never really talked to anyone." Wait a minute ... I don`t talk to my neighbors!
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 2%
People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.