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cable TV.... helping us avoid Presidential speeches for nearly four decades
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.
Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday.
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
Fun Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It`s only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You`ll be just fine.
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
I`m always right. And when I`m not, I edit Wikipedia.
Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those TacoBell hot sauce packets.
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.