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My horoscope started with `are you sitting down?`
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
I love the way everyone who uses hand sanitizer looks like they`re hatching some kind of evil plan.
I don`t hate you, but if you we`re drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck.
Its funny how your friends change , Meet new people and forget about you . :( But just know i`ll still be in your heart?
Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I`ll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
It`s so hot I have my air condition set on bankruptcy.
McDonalds ... closing thigh gaps since 1967.
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn’t illegal to talk in the car while I’m driving.
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.