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Happy 1 year anniversary to the Lean Cuisine in my freezer!
I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
My favorite iOS7 feature is how it distracts me from the fact that I`m wasting my life poking a glass screen.
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.
The best thing about having male genitals is sharing it with people who don`t.
My grocery cart right now says ” I’m getting drunk and doing laundry tonight!” And also. “I like fruit.”
I`ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.