Daily Silly Status

When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".

My girlfriend ended up with a broken nose today because she wouldn`t listen to me... I said,"You`re about to walk into a lamppost."

I applied for a government job today and accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favor.

When Life Gives You Lemons Don`t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don`t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life`s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I`m the man who`s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I`m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

Today please just pretend I wrote something hilarious, click like, and move on down the news feed.

“Let’s hang out sometime.” - liars

People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment

Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?

Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.

Hooray ! My face book film has been nominated for an Academy Award

I got a new marker today that smells like grapes. Thats why I`ve been so quiet.

If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.

The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of your own sentence, that way they will just think you lost service.

Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.