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New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you`re too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they`ve probably had diarrhea at some point
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away.
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
It’s a little sad that today’s youth don’t get to experience a red rubber dodgeball to the face like we did back in the day.
Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can`t spell.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons! You`re wlecome, enjoy the day.
That very akward moment when Shakirah`s hips lie!
The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
People who have more than 10 items in the express line… We see you and we are judging you.
i only drink on days that end with y
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.