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I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
Feeling bored? Go to a clothing store and put "one size fits all" stickers on the bras.
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
The covers of this book are too far apart.
I keep having this recurring nightmare that lasts 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
Checked my bank balance at the ATM and was happy to see I had 707 dollars in it until I realized I was holding the receipt upside down and it said LOL instead.
Yes I stalk you, but only as a friend.
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
I hope Iām the last guy on earth ā I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
I`ve started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
Dear human, you get mad when i wake you up and also get mad when i dont. Sincerely confused, Alarm Clock.