Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
Some of my ideas are about as profitable as selling YOLO T-Shirts at a Reincarnation seminar
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
Coffee, you`re on the bench ... Alcohol suit up!!
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.” - Every time.
Side effects of telling your wife to get a grip may include throat bruising or testicular swelling.
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.