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A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
My gift horse is facing the wrong way
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
Seven years ago today I swallowed bubblegum ... I`ll keep you all posted.
I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
Dr. Seuss could have been the greatest rapper ever.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but Iām going to be too busy sitting on mine
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 138,000 Boxes Florida: 129,000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
I`ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...
Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.