Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I put the pro in inappropriate.
"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers.
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it`s strapped to the top of someone`s car.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn’t have couches at this Best Buy
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.