Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
I wonder if the Ziploc bag company secretly lobbies to keep marijuana illegal.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", has obviously never been to a nude beach
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
I wonder if the psycho hitchhiker ever gets picked up by the psycho driver. Now there`s a movie I`d pay to see.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake.
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
That moment when you have so many things to do...So you decide to take a nap instead!
Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.