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Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
NEWS FLASH: Man arrested for having sex with a tree.....Police confirm he had wood!!!
Not to brag but when I push it, I push it real good.
Breaking News: I took a bath today
I don`t have ADHD. I have ADOLS. Attention deficit..OH LOOK! Skittles!
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
I`m only 30 lbs away from my New Year`s resolution to lose 20 lbs!!
Woke up to gun shots this morning. Luckily my wife has horrible aim.
Always look both ways before crossing a woman.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.
Most people are lucky they can’t hear what I’m thinking.
Where is the button to restart summer?