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What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig ? The letter F ?
What`s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
Walmart: the only place on Earth you can get a haircut, eye exam, ice cream sandwich, tires for your car, and witness a real life "what not to wear" episode.
woman belong in the kitchen? thats where the knives are you fool.
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
My ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" but I can`t drive a bus.
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
I think my smart phone is making fun of me behind my back.
What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this...
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
*sigh* the cop at the front door is never a stripper when you need it to be
Highways need 4 lanes per side - A NASCAR wannabe lane, a normal driver lane, an old people who drive 40 in a 70 lane & a "where in the hell am I?" lane.
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.