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When`s it gonna be the 4th of July? I feel like blowin somethin` up and not gettin` arrested.
French people give me the crepes.
Redneck word of the day : Asphalt. It`s your own dumb asphalt !!
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
I always walk through my office with a stern look on my face and a toilet plunger to avoid conversations.
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
I just saw a poster that said, "Have you seen this man?" with a number to call ... So I called the number and told them, "no."
When I asked if you had protection, pepper spray isn’t what I meant.
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
There is no time to check time
No one answers their phones anymore... If I ever get arrested, I don`t want a damn phone call, I want a facebook posting.
I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.