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WebMD needs to add the question "Have you eaten Taco Bell today?" when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
My train of thought likes to circle around the station a few times, take some wrong turns, and end up totally lost.
I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
Sometimes I wish I was full of pizza instead of emotions.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
My favorite drinking game is drinking.
When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!
Giving people the finger while driving just isn`t effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I`m pretty sure she`ll figure out that I`m just after my money
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it´s for them?
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.