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I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this...
Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
What`s the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller" ?
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you`ll get what you want.
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with "Maybe next time" wasn`t the best response. Who knew?