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You should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt. And lime. And shot of tequila.
My brother didnt take kindly to jail. He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on the walls. That`s the last time we`re playing Monopoly.
How many V and M can see
NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
My favorite drinking game is drinking.
Stages of Drunk: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don`t wake up the cows.
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
Apparently showing the pharmacist a picture of my wife was not a good enough reason to get Valium without a prescription.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes off 9 minutes of your life.. According to my calculations i should have died in 1732.
A revolving door is an IQ test you can fail in public.
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.