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Apparently, I did not use enough a$$hole repellent today
I bet Captain Crunch has some amazing abs.
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
Relax, you’re not paranoid at all. Everyone is talking about you.
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths...
My bed is way more comfortable in the mornings than during the night.
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...
For those of you who know nothing about pleasing a woman... the G spot is located at the end of the word "shopping".....js
Well I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I`d say my people skills are improving.
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn`t have waffle cones but they had pictures of waffle cones. That guy was me.
Depression is wanting to lay down and realizing that you are already laying down.