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Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
" I don`t watch much tv" proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
Meanwhile on Facebook, someone has made a casserole...
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
Please drink responsibly this weekend and don`t drink and dri......Wait this is Facebook, most of you probably won`t leave the house! ... Good talk!
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I`m fat and can`t run for more than 2 minutes.
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate
You can tell how old someone is by what part of the chex mix is their favorite.
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .
I would want to change my name to `Nobody` on Facebook. So when someone updates something stupid it says `Nobody likes this`