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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
You can turn anything into a compliment if you`re delusional enough.
Guys, want to find out all of your flaws in under a minute? Just ask your girlfriend if she`s gained weight.
Don`t you love followers that don`t acknowledge your existence. Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? ...hmm
That son of a b*tch moment when you`re walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot.
Tomorrow, I`m going to open up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. I can`t wait to see how big my puppy got!
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
Pro Tip: If you`re on the bus, and wearing headphones, people can still hear you fart.
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
At the Touch of Love..Everyone Becomes a Poet !
But..At the Touch of Breakup Everyone Becomes a Philosopher... ^_^
The closest I`ve come to camping was that one time when I fell asleep in the bushes outside your window with my camera.
If you wake up with a chick and you dont know her name, take her to starbucks, they`ll write it on the cup.