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Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.
Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d love to bring a guest.
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
Do handjobs from girls who speak sign language count as blowjobs
There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we’ve had.
This "NORMAL" you speak of, doesn`t sound fun at all.
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
Don`t mix Viagra with Iron Supplements. It will cause you to spin around and point north.
A procrastinator’s work is never done.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
Violence is never the answer. Unless the question is `What is never the answer?`