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when she says "size doesn`t matter" what she really means is "I have been disappointed before." :)
A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight. - The Swiss Army
Sorry I`m late... I accidentally pulled the chain on the ceiling fan one too many times for like 9 hours straight.
A woman at my gym has a jellyfish tattoo on her arm ... So I peed on her
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
Still don`t understand why you can`t end a company-wide email with, `Later b*tches.`
My kids wanna have a water balloon fight later, I just got done putting mine in the freezer... Wanna bet I win...
"Sleeping on the couch" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
I really respect people that don`t drink excessively, gamble, curse, do drugs, spend excessively, act irresponsibly and stay up late. And by "respect" I mean "don`t wanna hang out with"
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
The best nights are those when it never crosses your mind to update your Facebook status.
I don`t know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish`s Birth date.
When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sex, not the whole entire relationship...