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If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
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I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, "At least they picked me"
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Told my kids next time I take their electronics away I`d also be responding to all texts they receive. They`ve been well behaved since.
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I don`t always drink beer. But when I do, I always lie about not always drinking beer.
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It`s weird how Dora is multilingual at 4 but can`t find the banana tree behind her...
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Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
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I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
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I love it when the person’s laugh is funnier than the actual joke.
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You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
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I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
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Its O.K. to laugh during sex … just don’t point ! ... trust me
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My mother might be right.. I was the reason someone invented birth control.
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Thanks to the popularity of gifs, we are living in the golden age of silent films.
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I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
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all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day
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