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Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.......i felt like that bitch was seeing someone else.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
Coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight, I`ve got your back"
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.
I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
If I could get a firm grip on reality...I`d probably choke it.
Drinking always starts out as the best idea you’ve ever had.
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
Their bedroom door is closed. I better walk in there for no reason. - kids
Is anyone else`s alcohol tolerance too high for their paycheck?
Sometimes I think I’m too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.
Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
I’m actually a really nice guy once you get to blow me.