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You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans - "Free nights and weekends."
If you think I hate you ... I probably do.
If “too drunk to stand” is a yoga pose, then I’m nailing that one.
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
I`m not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
My mother is the strongest woman I know. You should see how far she could throw a shoe.
is a mystery you´ll never solve
Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it.
My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
So apparently airport security doesn`t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.
Today’s Generation: “Omg my parents never let me have anything.” via iPhone.