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I once found a whip, a mask, a baton and handcuffs in my Mother-in-Law`s draw... who knew she was a superhero. Nice!!!
Just ONCE, I`d like to look deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.
You make me want to be a drunker person
I am addicted to Cold Turkey. Not sure how I will ever quit that one.
Nuclear physicists can be lots of fun. They`re often referred to as the half life of any party.
This beer tastes like Iām going to text you later.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
Why is it that whenever I have to turn around in a strange driveway, I feel like they`re gonna come running out with pitchforks and torches?
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
Happy Fourth of July!! Or as the rest of the world likes to call it, Friday.
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn`t that hungry.
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
Kid`s Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren`t allowed to vote.