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Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don`t tell me about your rough childhood.
I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
All the guys in working out photos look like they`re straining or in pain, but there`s lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy. Just saying.
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the coffee and went straight for the booze?
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
I don`t post a lot of personal statuses - but when I do it`s all about you ..
I just ran a .003048K
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
I have nothing!
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.