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How many men does it take to open a beer? None! It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests. I don`t want to go out with a weirdo.
I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.
Sometimes, I wonder if the weather app on my phone even looks outside.
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
I know I should lift weights, but those things are heavy!!
Hand dryers are a great way to see how your hands look while skydiving.
Werewolves tend to transform only upon noticing a full moon already in the sky, implying the affliction is 100% psychological.
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
I don’t trust public opinion polls because they don’t take into consideration the fact that the public is made up of mostly idiots.
I used to eat natural food, until I heard people were dying of natural causes
I give up on life! I have better luck playing Monopoly...or Clue...
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.