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There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
Saying “sounds good” is probably the nicest way to abruptly end a conversation.
is having one of those days where they feels like lighting someones face on fire and then trying to put it out with a fork
It`s not cellulite, it`s my body`s way of saying "I`m sexy" ... in braille.
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
If you think someone is staring at you: 1. Yawn 2. If they yawn, they were staring.
My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.
I like to say "Do I smell popcorn?" right after I fart ..that way everyone quickly takes a deep breathe.
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.
I always assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?