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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of Alcohol
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he`ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
Wouldn`t it be great to revive the old "Mutual Of Omaha`s Wild Kingdom" show, but with a new setting? Like a WalMart Store in Kentucky?
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
Saying I have a drinking problem is like saying Bruce Lee had a kung fu problem, it`s not a problem if you`re good at it.
I got 99 problems but a least my name aint North West.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single”.
One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.
I’ve spent way too much of my life wondering why food doesn’t rhyme with good.