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Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
In actuality, Batman is just a more violent and dark version of Inspector Gadget.
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I`d have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
Gun Control: Use both hands
I`m combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I`m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven`t hidden.
is having one of those days where they feels like lighting someones face on fire and then trying to put it out with a fork
“FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!” – Mother Nature
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
$10 says some idiot is gonna hear the word Ebola and think "that`d be a great name for my new baby!"
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
I`ve been baptized five times this week in five different churches. I wish the landlord would hurry up and fix my shower.
people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it`s the only way I can talk to you.
Sometimes, I`m offended at how easily offended some people get.