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So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I`ve thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
In all my years, I have never finished a pencil.
Dear Alcohol, Will you be my valentine? ?
I was going to exercise this morning, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
According to this BMI chart ... I am to short.
You would think with all the ice water laying all over the world, it would be a lot cooler...
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...