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To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
Nice try, blocked number but I don`t even answer the phone for people I know.
How long do I have to wear these skinny jeans before they start working?
If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.
I don`t mind my long commute, I just hate that it always brings me to work.
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
Facebook: The only place where you get excited when strangers follow you.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin...just in case
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.
I went frisbee golfing today. I didn`t get an ace, but I did hit a guy and that was just as satisfying.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?