Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure
I like to reply to late night snapchat selfies with "what the f*&% is that behind you?!" just because I know the sender has no way to review the photo and will spend the rest of their night scared out of their minds.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do.
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
I love buying a $1 burger and getting $2 worth of mayo...
I thought I was feeling a little bloated today, turns out I had my underwear on backwards.
didn`t get much sleep last night, I tried counting sheep but they kept cutting in line, confused the hell outta me!!
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
I`m at my most badass when I`m popping a wheelie with a shopping cart.
Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
Personally, I think failure should be an option
You should never answer your phone during sex, particularly if it`s your wife calling.