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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.
Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
FACT: The "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t" is not really a good defense in court
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
Life`s too short for Salad..............
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"