Daily Silly Status

When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.

I made a p@nis out of Legos. A literal c*ck block.

Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.

The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.

Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy

So I didn`t want to wake up this morning and go to work. It`s not that I don`t like my job, it`s just that I like being lazy more.

I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.

Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.

I don`t get why he counts the beer before he leaves to work... There`s never any left when he comes home.

If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.

Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos

My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?

I checked my horoscope today and all I can say is ...WOW!! I`m a Taurus and I looked it up and sure enough,it says I was born between 4/21-5/21!! Well played horoscope, well played.

I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)

Whoever said “There is nothing as precious as a child’s laughter” obviously never fell down a flight of stairs in front of his kids.