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The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: “skeletal remains,” “dumpster,” “almost beyond recognition,” “dental records” and “shallow grave.”
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
Not to brag, but I don’t need to smoke pot to get the munchies.
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don`t like being that guy holding two purses.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
My credit score is just a picture of me crying in the front yard of a nice house.
Screw doing situps...teddy bears don`t and everyone loves them.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown