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I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
My best relationship advice: Make sure you`re the crazy one.
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
Is it considered rude to ask your boss if it hurt when the house fell on her in The Wizard of Oz?
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
I don`t get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn`t it already cracked to begin with?
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re stupid and make bad decisions.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
Just once I`d like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do...Without being dragged out being told, "Ma`am, you`re not the bride..."
Forgotten pocket money is the best!
Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.