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The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: โ€œskeletal remains,โ€ โ€œdumpster,โ€ โ€œalmost beyond recognition,โ€ โ€œdental recordsโ€ and โ€œshallow grave.โ€
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
Not to brag, but I donโ€™t need to smoke pot to get the munchies.
You donโ€™t look like 200 likes in person.
Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don`t like being that guy holding two purses.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? Thatโ€™s common sense leaving your body.
My credit score is just a picture of me crying in the front yard of a nice house.
Screw doing situps...teddy bears don`t and everyone loves them.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown