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Shout out to all the kids who could never find their name on souvenir keychains and license plates. That sh!t hurt.
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
The future is much like the present, only longer.
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM child
Somebody tell me how "Rub a dub dub, 3 men in a tub" became a nursery rhyme?
High fiving was the original "like".
If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: “Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken.”
You know you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
I`m posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they`re making ceramic bowls.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?