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Happy 1 year anniversary to the Lean Cuisine in my freezer!
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It doesn`t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full. There`s clearly room for more Alcohol
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Happy people don`t take long showers.
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If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she`s practising for her next selfie
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Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
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If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
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Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
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The responsibility of taking out the trash should be left to the person who runs out of ways to fit more trash in the bag.
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If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
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Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
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I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
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I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
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Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.
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All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.
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Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!
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