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I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
I woke up this morning with a glass of water on my bedside table with a note saying “for hungover me” I drank it and it was vodka. Drunk me can be such an asshole!
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Nothing changes a Facebook relationship status faster than a weekend full of tagged photos!
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
I like dating chicks with kids, because fruity snacks
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
just keep scrolling nothing to see hear
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...