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I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
I wish more people were fluent in silence.
Legally,It´s questionable. Morally,It´s disgusting. Personally,I like it.
When people ask me if I`m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they`re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - I’d worship him too.
Today please just pretend I wrote something hilarious, click like, and move on down the news feed.
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
I`m no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.