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How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
Before having any kids make sure you’re done sleeping and doing things you like to do.
When someone says “you’re the best,” just know that it’s not really true because I’m the best.
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
Nobody notices your pain, your happiness, your sadness, your state of mind. But everyone notices it when you fart in public
If you`re in a hole, stop digging...
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"
Suggested serving size is only for skinny people right?
I`m not ignoring your calls, I just love my ringtone.