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Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
When a bird bangs into your window, do you wonder if God is playing angry birds
At what point in potty training do you give the child a toy smartphone?
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in a cage, we just want to set them free.
You can look at some people and instantly know they’re only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
I know u r but what am I ?
I just hope my stalker doesn`t tell my dentist how infrequently I floss.
They should make Vodka ChapStick
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea
Champagne says I`m classy. Vodka says I can do anything I want. My therapist says I have to stop talking to my drinks.
Sometimes I think hip hop music gets a bad rap.