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When`s it gonna be the 4th of July? I feel like blowin somethin` up and not gettin` arrested.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
Here`s $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.
Those Box Tops that raise money for schools really should be on wine labels and cases of beer.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
I am not sure why a guy getting trapped in a vagina sculpture is big news...men have been trapped by vaginas for many years.
I try to do all my pooping at work. Cause if you can get paid to poop, you`d be a fool not to.
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores
I`m going to become a hermit as soon as I find a cave with a decent wifi connection.
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there
Iām actually a really nice guy once you get to blow me.