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3 shots of vodka can erase 8 hours of rage in 15 minutes. That’s all the math you really need to know.
Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
Goodnight friends, strangers, pervs, weirdos and a$$holes, and anybody else I left out.
Do women know that it`s perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
Bipolar smile :(: ...... Gets um everytime !
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
I am not sure why a guy getting trapped in a vagina sculpture is big news...men have been trapped by vaginas for many years.
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn`t seem to be having the desired affect.