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I like to drink while I clean and that`s how I found out what Febreze tastes like.
I can already tell this is going to be one of those days where I am not rich and famous.
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
Thought for the day : Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
Ride me like you stole me.
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
Would you mind going with me to my next Psychologist appointment? He thinks I`m making you up.
Everything I know about women, I learned from the Wizard of Oz. For example: If a woman sees a pair of shoes she wants, she`ll drop a house on the bitch to get them.
Happy Monday!! I`m gonna sit this one out.
I just found out that his full name is actually, Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!
Nothing says " My divorce didn`t go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars