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Do you ever wish you were a monkey? Then if you got mad at someone, you could just fling your poo at them. Problem solved.
It’s silly how we spend money on clothes when naked is free.
Do you want to know Victoria`s Secret? Their lingerie doesn`t look the same on your girlfriend as it does on their models..
I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
I let a girl go through my phone recently so a colonoscopy really doesn’t scare me anymore.
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
Instead of presidential debates, we should just have a dance-off.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead but other people do. The same is true when you are stupid.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.