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Don`t ask me for advice, my answer is always get them drunk.
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
My therapist cries "Why me?" for the full hour.
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.
Roses are red! violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Snot.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t.
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
When my dog sniffs another dog’s poop I can only assume that it’s their equivalent to checking a friend’s facebook page.
Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on
is ready to have one too many!