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Thought I had $707 in my bank account, turns out it was "LOL" and I was holding my statement upside down.
If you`ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you`ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
Coffee, you`re on the bench ... Alcohol suit up!!
If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.
I hate it when I have guests at my house and they ask "Do you have a bathroom?" No, we poop in the yard.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
What do you mean casual Friday does not mean drink wine and get drunk at work
Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she’ll go away.
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.
If something`s worth doing, it`s worth doing rihgt.