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Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
Poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange.
Me: Where can I find the milk? Her: Sir, this is a library. Me: *whispers* Sorry, where can I find the milk?
Sorry for nicking your car with my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: “Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken.”
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
When one door closes it`s probably because someone shut it.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.