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3yo just yelled "face-five!" & slapped his brother in the face. I`m totally using that at work tomorrow.
Dramatically slamming a book shut upon finishing it was way more satisfying than switching my Kindle off and gently placing it on the table.
I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
Wtf neighbor I waved to you last week
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
In alcohol`s defence, I`ve done some pretty dumb sh*t while completely sober too.
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
I want to meet the guy at Hewlett Packard who decides how many minutes of strange noises their printers make before printing 1 page.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you`re nuts.