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When the zombie apocalypse hits, I know EXACTLY who I`m tripping first...
I`ve actually have come to the conclusion that some of today`s youth may actually believe "laughing out loud" is actually spelled "lol"
People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
I feel pretty confident that if anyone ever steals my identity, they will inevitably improve my credit score…
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.
For many people, "live and learn" is one task too many.