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lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old`s lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.
Dear college students, Sorry about your GPA. - Netflix
I told my 4-year-old she couldn`t open any candy yet. So she ate a Tootsie Roll with the wrapper still on it. That kid is a problem solver.
Apparently, I did not use enough a$$hole repellent today
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
What if the weather talks about us?
If you had to choose between your girlfriend or GTA 5 which character would you play as first?
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched....well, at least that`s what the restraining order says.
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you’re hot.
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do