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Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who the heck is giving them medical attention?!
There are no winners the day following a green beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.
I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.
I’m off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.
I thought I cracked this "adulthood" till I realised my shirt was on inside out !!!!!
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.