Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
The Hulk just texted me a picture of a zucchini, I think?
I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I`ll be notified immediately.
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
Plastic Surgery is Photoshop for people who go outside.
I remember my single days like it was 11 years, 1 month, and 12 days ago.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
Since It`s summer here`s a little advice, best way to beat the heat is to wear a San Antonio Spurs jersey
There’s no worse feeling than realizing your wife has fallen asleep & you’ve spent the last 20 minutes watching Real Housewives by yourself.
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
That moment when being uncool, is cool
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?