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Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars.
Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.
I won’t come to your party unless you have an animal I can spend the whole time hanging out with.
whoever snuck the `s` in fast food is a clever person
Who ever said technology will replace paper.....has obviously never tried wiping their a$$ with an IPAD.
Save electricity! Would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?
Sorry for nicking your car with my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
I`m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837
With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you`d think they could fly...
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.