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The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
It`s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball... But won`t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
The only time I listen to a woman giving directions is when I use my GPS.
insert coin to view my status
This day will end with either wine or shopping. Probably both.
So... Where does one obtain minions?
Get Dora and Boots on this missing plane case now, Dora solves the case everytime
All women have an hour glass figure – it’s just that they all tote around different amounts of sand.