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My wife said she wanted to feel special. So I gave her a helmet and some crayons. Perhaps I misunderstood her?
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
A cop just pulled me over -- asking if I knew my tail light was out? I said, `Uh uh. I drive on the inside of my car`
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.
A true man is one who leaves his wife alone in cold weather and goes to watch football.
I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
I`m going to be the first person to land on the sun! I know what your thinking and thats why I will be going at night.
I don`t really like the idea that James Franco might be in my grandkids` history textbooks.
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
Today is National Fritters Day. I don`t know what that means, so I just went naked today. Gotta be something like that.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.