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This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
I like restaurants because the people have to be nice and feed you.
Im going to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people`s cars saying "sorry for the damage." Then watching the magic.
Can`t reach it. Don`t need it.
Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
Next time a skinny bitch calls herself fat… I’m gonna agree with her.
If you touch your phone in the right places, a pizza will arrive at your door.
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
I need a six month vacation Twice a year.
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
Microsoft Excel has got to be the worlds worst video game.