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Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman`s ability to find a reason to post a selfie.
Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
My sister told me I was not allowed to babysit anymore. Apparently the baby monitor is not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby`s ankle.
A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
Relationships are like bathrooms. I`m in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I`m playing on my phone the whole time.
I`m not lying, I`m just making the story better.
I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
Jake from State Farm works some very crappy hours.
I took a 5hr energy today. they`re right about being able to multitask because it made me puke and poop at the sametime..
Going to the skate park to watch people fall.
"I`ve had so much coffee, I got halfway to work and realized I forgot my car."
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.