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I did 26 situps this morning. It’s not a lot, but then again, how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock ?
Email: 8 character min, including 1 upper, 1 lower, 1 number, 1 special character. ATM card: 4 numbers
I just researched the medicinal name for Viagra..... MYCOXAPHAYLYN
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
It`s so cute how you can throw balls right at kids faces in the Chuck E Cheese ball pit and they think you`re just playing.
I don’t appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.
A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
My boss told me that if I can`t show up sober then don`t bother coming to work tomorrow. Three day weekend!
I just realized that I haven`t done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it`s all about.