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I wish the "Do not ask me again" option existed in real life.
When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
5 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date, today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times
I have one question about Insanity, "Are we there yet"?
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
All men approve of premarital sex......until they have a daughter.
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
God: Is there anything else you need Adam? Adam: yes I want a Sandwich! God: Ok let`s create eve.
Apparently my "Please STFU" face bears a strong resemblance to my "Oh, Please Keep Talking" face.
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.
I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards