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I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
Well I was gonna donate blood today until the lady got all personal and started asking "who´s blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.
Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
I regret buying that straight jacket now. I thought it would look good on me but I just couldn`t pull it off...
Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles ... Do your damn job.
Someone asked me if I`m ever scared that I`ll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was right there.
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job.