Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level.
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
Sarcasm. Because communicating with morons is hard.
If the wicked witch of the west melts in water ... How did she bathe?
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
In terms of procrastination, I`ve had a very productive day.
I`ll never be to old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night.
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.