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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
You look over-medicated. What`s your doctor`s name?
Who else`s favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."
Your secrets are safe with me, because I probably wasn’t listening to begin with.
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
Would people still go to the gym if Instagram didn`t exist?
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
Your so old, you knew Burger King when he was a prince.
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
Do athletic people not know about Netflix?
If you’re so much better than the leading brand then why are you not the leading brand?
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"