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Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I`m making important life decisions.
Every pizza is a personal pizza, if you try hard and believe in yourself.
My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she`s died so I could get out of having to go somewhere
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
Word to the wise - make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an a$$hole.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.
I’m so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones.
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.