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Opposites attract, that’s the trouble with being awesome.
Taking down my Christmas tree would probably just be a waste of time at this point.
Legally,It´s questionable. Morally,It´s disgusting. Personally,I like it.
When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
"Mounting debt" sounds way sexier than it is.
And all this time I thought a chickpea was when women went to the bathroom in groups.
For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a supervillain.
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie