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Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
I hate it when the credit card bills come in and I have to have sex with my husband.
I`d be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
A show called the view shouldn`t hurt your eyes
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
"I`ve never seen an angry stoner, see angry drunks all the time!" Clearly you`ve never tried to take a stoner`s nachos away.
All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts.
You`ll never see me on Hoarders because I can`t afford that much sh!t.
Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors.
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
Buying an airline ticket is like paying shipping and handling for yourself.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over