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Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
With the right person, you can talk about absolutely nothing for hours & feel like you spoke about everything.
dear journal..im now the coolest kid in school....mom:SWEETIE THE CHESSCLUB IS HERE 4 U!!!
The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I`ve never sympathized more with women in my life.
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
To the dude I just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!
Save water- shower with me!
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
They`re called `selfies` because the only one who`s interested in them is yourself.