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If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it`s working.
I tend to say “I don’t know” when I’m too lazy to think.
Some people post because they need attention and validation. Not me. (Thanks for reading this, the `Like` button is below)
Nothing says “I don’t give a sh!t” like a Hawaiian shirt.
Nothing shall separate me from the love of beer...
Don`t hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I’m “the one,” but isn’t talking to a police officer.
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
I was going to get married, but my wife refuses to sign the divorce papers
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. Made of steel. Twice. From Hulk. On adrenaline rush.
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
You know you can`t say "happiness" without saying "p*nis"
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.