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Some people are like water balloons; they`re more fun when you throw them out the window.
You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.
The average fight between men lasts 3 minutes. The average fight between women lasts 17 years.
They say you`re not supposed to go to the grocery store when you`re hungry. It`s been several days now, what should I do?
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
Why are kids obese? Maybe because Burgers are $.99, & Salads are $4.99.
Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
Can I tell you how terribly grateful I am that no one had cell phones, iPads or digital cameras when I had to squaredance in P.E.
If you find a four-leaf clover it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
This cold weather makes me half the man I used to be.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.