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There is no "we" in "bacon", so don`t even ask.
Politicians and diapers should be changed regularly and for the same reason...
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
Hold that pose. My camera is ringing.
Party like you will never be invited to another!
Bless me Father for I hit send.
I drink because people talk.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose beer.
Whenever you`re feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there`s people that pay money to exercise.
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
The best way to change a woman`s mind is to agree with her.
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
*calling pizza place* "Hello?" Your pizza tastes like cardboard "Are you sure you`re not eating the box again?" *long pause* *click*
Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don`t have to see, touch, or smell them.