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Relationship status: Don`t tell me to calm down! You called a stormtrooper a robot!
I`m not a Dr. or a Nutritionist, but I`m pretty sure the worst thing you can put into any high fat/ high calorie dish is your fork.
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
I put ALL my eggs in one basket at the grocery store.... Today..!!
I just became a professional Counterfeiter, I even have the certificates to prove it.
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
The closest I`ve ever come to eating better is eating butter.
"If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~ My son apparently
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
I always hit the "no receipt" button at the ATM because I don`t need that negativity in my life.
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.