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Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
Shout out to metaphors. Without you there would only be like four songs.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free.
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
When I say “wow, that’s crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
I don’t have a problem with friends who ask to borrow money. I love a good laugh as much as the next guy.
Shot my first turkey today...scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies I’m going to pay with.
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
once you delete your birthday from Facebook, you realize no-one ever gave a sh!t about you all along!
I`d like to give you a big thumb`s-up. But I`m afraid that would be the wrong finger.
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.