Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.
So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I`ve thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
"Love is all we need."-Said a wise man 40 years ago. He obviously has never had a computer
If by crunches you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes I do crunches.
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
Whenever I pick my Grandma up from the airport, I leave my left blinker on during the entire drive so she feels more comfortable.
Please respect the revolving door speed that has already been established.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
I`m not worried about the zombie apocalypse that is coming. I`m worried about the fcuktard apocalypse that is here right now.
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
If you don’t like my sense of humor please tell me… so I can laugh at you!
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”