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One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
Its all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts
I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming
It was all so different before everything changed.
I love talking about nothing. It’s the only thing I know anything about.
I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do... And for those who like country music, denigrate means ‘to speak badly of`.
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house, but that fly is dead.
Women my age expect a man to have his sh!t together by now. Time to start dating younger women.
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.
I`m ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about
Dear human, you get mad when i wake you up and also get mad when i dont. Sincerely confused, Alarm Clock.